Urologists say that men are rushing to get vasectomies in the wake of abortion bans in several states, with some clinics seeing a 300% to 400% spike in people looking to receive consultations for the reversible male sterilization procedure. What do you think?
Cassidy Hutchinson, an aide to then-President Trump’s chief of staff, Mark Meadows, testified this week before the House committee investigating the January 6 riots, offering new information about the actions of Trump and his inner circle that day. The Onion answers crucial questions about who Cassidy Hutchinson is…
WASHINGTON—Saying the ambitious new project would be a historic, once-in-a-generation leap forward in the annals of space exploration, NASA announced Friday its plan to put the moon on Mars by 2040. “Ever since we first sent a man to the moon half a century ago, the American people have been waiting for us to take the…
LOS ANGELES—In stunning footage that for the first time reveals the full range of the plant kingdom’s nocturnal behaviors, a new documentary released Friday has confirmed the long-held theory that flowers obtain their food by hunting at night. “We’ve always suspected that flowers stalk their prey when its dark and…
HESPERIA, CA—Declaring there were just some areas in which men would always be superior to women, local man Ryan Neves adamantly told reporters Friday he would be a much better political prisoner than WNBA star Brittney Griner. “No offense to her, but if I were being held captive by a foreign government, I’d be better…
Taco Bell is testing new menu items, the Big Cheez-It Tostada and Big Cheez-It Crunch Wrap Supreme, which both feature an oversized Cheez-It cracker 16 times the size of a regular Cheez-It, in the hopes of replicating the success of the restaurant’s Dorito shells. What do you think?
LEE’S SUMMIT, MO—Lamenting that it would never again be able to relish the game as it was intended, the nation reportedly admitted Friday that it was unable to enjoy baseball without dozens of pitchers hitting .124. “How am I supposed to find these games interesting without the ninth batter being some overmatched…
COOS BAY, OR—Stumbling backward as he lost his main weapon, then reaching for his pant leg, a firefighter disarmed of his hose grabbed a squirt gun from his ankle holster to continue battling the flames around him, sources confirmed Friday. “You thought you had me!” the quick-thinking firefighter was heard to yell as…
“Seven months ago if you asked me about a union I would’ve said, ‘I don’t know, cops have them?’” says Sarah Pappin, a shift supervisor at a Seattle Starbucks. But on June 6, she and her co-workers voted unanimously to join Starbucks Workers United, part of an upsurge of organizing by younger workers with little union experience that is breathing new life into the labor movement.
“Seven months ago if you asked me about a union I would’ve said, ‘I don’t know, cops have them?’” says Sarah Pappin, a shift supervisor at a Seattle Starbucks. But on June 6, she and her co-workers voted unanimously to join Starbucks Workers United, part of an upsurge of organizing by younger workers with little union experience that is breathing new life into the labor movement.
WASHINGTON—In a tangential footnote appended to its 6-3 decision in West Virginia v. Environmental Protection Agency, the Supreme Court casually declared Thursday that the nation had been divided into six provinces, each of which would be ruled by a Republican-appointed justice. “The court hereby decrees that the six…
Justice Stephen Breyer notified the White House that his retirement will be effective today at noon Eastern time, paving the way for Ketanji Brown Jackson to be sworn in as Supreme Court Justice on the conservative-majority court. What do you think?
NEW YORK—In an effort to raise awareness of the medical procedure after the Supreme Court’s overturning of Roe v. Wade, Sesame Workshop released a public service announcement Thursday on preventing unwanted pregnancies that featured Elmo receiving a vasectomy. “There was a little pinch, but that was okay,” said Elmo,…
WASHINGTON—Noting a palpable shift in the group’s attitude since the last time they met, Supreme Court justice Amy Coney Barrett expressed concern Thursday that the rest of the women in her feminist book club were mad at her about something. “Everyone keeps giving me the cold shoulder, and I can’t for the life of me…