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Experts Encourage Americans To Start Thinking About What Form Of Government They’d Like To Try After Democracy Crumbles

The Onion - 4 hours 1 min ago

WASHINGTON—Urging the nation to get a head start on what they described as an inevitable decision, the Brookings Institute released a statement Tuesday encouraging Americans to start thinking about what form of government they would like to try after democracy crumbles. “We’re urging this country’s citizens to really…

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Conservative Man Tearfully Informs Family Critical Race Theory Has Spread To His Liver

The Onion - 4 hours 41 min ago

DALLAS, TX—Gathering his wife and children close to him as he shared the tragic news, area conservative Dan Gainey, 66, informed his family Tuesday that Critical Race Theory had spread to his liver. “There’s no easy way to say this, but I just got the diagnosis that I have Critical Race Theory, and soon my body will…

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Report: Pick

The Onion - 5 hours 26 min ago

ROCKFORD, IL—Recommending that you watch out, watch out, pickup basketball sources confirmed Monday that a screening defender was fast approaching on your right side. “Pick coming right, pick coming right—no, screen left!” said sources, stressing that you were “by yourself” at the top of the key and needed to make a…

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ESPN’s New MLB Analyst Just Guy Who Follows Jayson Stark On Twitter

The Onion - 5 hours 36 min ago

BRISTOL, CT—Seeking to bolster its baseball coverage and expand their reach to his 187 followers, ESPN announced Tuesday the hiring of a guy who follows Jayson Stark on Twitter as its new MLB analyst. “We’re thrilled to welcome Frank Campagna to ESPN and look forward to him bringing his nonstop Jayson Stark…

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Annoying Things Customers Do That Waiters Hate The Most

The Onion - 5 hours 36 min ago

While it may not be obvious at first, the mindless service drones who bring you food at restaurants actually have thoughts and feelings. Here are the most annoying things customers do that waiters hate the most.

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Cristiano Ronaldo Snub Causes $5 Billion Drop In Coca-Cola Market Value

The Onion - 8 hours 51 min ago

Soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo removed two bottles of Coca-Cola from a table and opted for water during a Euro 2020 press conference, causing the market value of Coca-Cola to drop by $5 billion in less than a week. What do you think?

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Lobster Diver Survives Being Trapped In Whale’s Mouth

The Onion - Mon, 2021-06-21 17:16

A lobster diver in Cape Cod was nearly swallowed by a humpback whale after being scooped up in its mouth, where he says he was trapped for 30 seconds before being spat back out, suffering minor injuries. What do you think?

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Engines Out and Pickets Up to Stop Health Plan Downgrade by Cummins

Steward's Corner - Mon, 2021-06-21 13:53
Blog: Blog

Thirty-three heavy-duty engine mechanics have been on an open-ended strike since June 8 at the Cummins service shop in San Leandro, California.

These technicians service the engines and generators that power Silicon Valley tech giants and buses for the Bay Area’s local public transit agencies. They worked through the pandemic, without adequate personal protective equipment, sanitizing procedures, or hazard pay. The shop was busier than ever.

Categories: Labor Notes

Engines Out and Pickets Up to Stop Health Plan Downgrade by Cummins

Magazine Stories - Mon, 2021-06-21 13:53
Blog: Blog

Thirty-three heavy-duty engine mechanics have been on an open-ended strike since June 8 at the Cummins service shop in San Leandro, California.

These technicians service the engines and generators that power Silicon Valley tech giants and buses for the Bay Area’s local public transit agencies. They worked through the pandemic, without adequate personal protective equipment, sanitizing procedures, or hazard pay. The shop was busier than ever.

Categories: Labor Notes

Area Couple Thinks They’re Pretty Fun

The Onion - Mon, 2021-06-21 13:10

DENTON, TX—Noting their propensity for antics and shenanigans, area couple Zack Evans and Julie Stuber told reporters Monday they think they’re pretty fun. “Say what you will, but we think we’re just a riot,” said Stuber, explaining that the two brought different things to the table, with Evans always being quick with…

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GOP Launches New Legislative Effort To Control Women’s Pancreases

The Onion - Mon, 2021-06-21 13:05

WASHINGTON—Buoyed by their success in restricting female reproductive rights, the GOP reportedly launched a new legislative effort Monday to control women’s pancreases. “Every day, women are using pancreatic enzymes to break down food without any consideration for the sanctity of these innocent carbohydrates,…

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Organized Crime Syndicate Condemned For History Of Nepotistic Hiring Practices

The Onion - Mon, 2021-06-21 12:35

LITTLE ITALY, NY—Barring those without prior connections from coveted job opportunities within the outfit, the Romano family, an organized crime syndicate, was condemned by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission Monday for a long history of nepotistic hiring practices. “After conducting a thorough survey of the…

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Most Shocking Reveals From The Keeping Up With The Kardashians Reunion

The Onion - Mon, 2021-06-21 12:25

“Is it time for us to fight now or are we waiting until after the crew takes lunch?”

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Bear’s Favorite Part Of Mauling Campers When They Throw Arms In Air To Look Bigger

The Onion - Mon, 2021-06-21 10:55

NYE, MT—Tickled by the group’s resolve, local grizzly bear Osguf confirmed Monday that his favorite part of mauling campers was when they threw their arms in the air to look bigger. “The whole thing is a blast from start to finish, don’t get me wrong, but I have a soft spot for when they start frantically waving…

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Brazil: Trade union solidarity pushed to protect Amazon rainforest and decent work

LabourStart - Sun, 2021-06-20 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: BWI

Laid-Back Dad Just Wants New Pair Of Brandless Aviators He Got At Omaha Gas Station In 1993 For Father’s Day

The Onion - Fri, 2021-06-18 08:00

BEAVERCREEK, OH—Stressing he did not need anything fancy, local laid-back dad Mark McNaren told his family Friday that he just wanted a new pair of the brandless aviators he got at an Omaha gas station back in 1993 for Father’s Day. “You know, what I’d really love is a pair of those shades we got at that filling…

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Categories: The Onion
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