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Mom Scolds Child For Pointing At Homeless Man Instead Of Ignoring His Very Existence

The Onion - Wed, 2019-12-04 13:55

ARCATA, CA—Yanking the girl into the grocery store to avoid further embarrassment, local mom Tara Cochran scolded her daughter Wednesday for pointing at a homeless man instead of ignoring his very existence. “Sophia, no. We do not acknowledge a homeless person’s humanity, it’s impolite,” said Cochran, quietly…

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Jilted Trump Announces Formation Of Cooler, Way More Powerful NATO With His New Best Friends Oman, Macedonia, And Suriname

The Onion - Wed, 2019-12-04 13:31

LONDON—In response to the covertly recorded footage of European leaders mocking the U.S. president, a jilted Donald Trump announced Wednesday the official formation of a cooler, way more powerful NATO with his new best friends Oman, Macedonia, and Suriname. “We are going to have so much fun without you losers,” said…

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Loved Ones Located All The Way On Other Side Of Heaven

The Onion - Wed, 2019-12-04 12:47

THE HEAVENS—Expressing frustration at the pressure from his parents and siblings to visit more often, the immortal soul of deceased man Bryan Glench complained to reporters Wednesday about his loved ones being so far away from him, on the opposite side of heaven. “Don’t get me wrong, I like my family, but I hate…

Categories: The Onion

Review: 17 Church Row, by James Carol

Eric Lee's Blog - Wed, 2019-12-04 12:13

I enjoyed James Carol’s Jefferson Winter novels. It was a guilty pleasure, I admit that. My life is not richer for having read them. So I had high hopes that I’d enjoy this techno-thriller, and for the first half of the book or so, I did. And then, for some reason, the author seemed to have run out of steam, there were no more secrets to be discovered, and the over-arching silliness of the whole thing became much more evident. The one good thing that came out of this book: it will diminish sales for smart homes devices.

Pros And Cons Of Talking Politics At Work

The Onion - Wed, 2019-12-04 09:00

It’s long been taboo to discuss politics in the workplace, and as the national atmosphere becomes more politically charged, arguments have grown both for and against bringing political discussions to professional settings. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of talking politics at work.

Categories: The Onion

Sanders, Debs and the Lessons of 1920

Eric Lee's Blog - Wed, 2019-12-04 03:54

This article appears in the current issue of Solidarity.

Earlier this year, a photograph made the rounds on the Internet. It showed Bernie Sanders meeting a young supporter in Iowa. Bernie is smiling and pointing to the young man’s t-shirt. On the t-shirt, it says “Listen here, Bud, America deserved 9/11.”

The photo was a fake. In the real image, the photo on the young man’s shirt which brings a smile to the Senator’s face is one of Eugene V. Debs. And that makes a lot more sense.

Bernie Sanders has long admired Debs, who was the Socialist Party’s candidate for President in a number of elections more than a century ago. And many have drawn parallels between Debs’ campaign of 1920 and Sanders’ efforts today.

And while there’s an obvious parallel – a Socialist running with broad popular support – the differences are even more striking.

Debs had been leading an independent Socialist Party for nearly two decades, a party which had won elections across the country. There were many Socialist mayors, state legislators and even a few members of Congress. The party had its own extensive press, consisting of daily and weekly newspapers in a wide range of languages. And it was growing from year to year, reaching its greatest strength just before the outbreak of the First World War. (Though Debs won more votes in 1920 than he did in 1912, he won a higher percentage in the earlier contest.)

What brought the party down was the iron fist of the American government. The notorious Palmer raids, the deportation of foreign-born activists, the lynching of union militants (mainly from the IWW) – these were all part of a long and vicious (and ultimately successful) attempt to smash the working class movement in the United States. Debs himself was serving time in a federal prison, jailed for speaking out against US involvement in the war, at the time he ran for president.

The 1920 election was not the peak of Socialist strength; it was the beginning of the end for the party. Within six years, Debs died and the party faded into insignificance. Even the Communist Party, which grew to include tens of thousands of militant activists in the 1930s and 1940s, was never able to mount a presidential campaign of any significance.

When Bernie Sanders looks back at the 1920 Socialist campaign, he surely understands the advantages he has over Debs. He’s not under the threat of imprisonment and his supporters are not being deported and lynched. His vote total, even in the primaries, will very quickly exceed Debs’, as it did in 2016.

But he lacks the strong organisational base which Debs had. The Socialist Party in the years leading up to 1920 was a well-organised, powerful force in many communities. It recruited members, campaigned and carried out educational activities in between electoral cycles. Modelled on the German SPD, it aimed to create nothing less than a working class counter-culture.

Sanders did attempt to create an organisation to bridge the four year divide between 2016 and today. It is called ‘Our Revolution’ and it does good work. But it is not a political party, and lacks the discipline, resources and ideology of the old Socialist Party.

Whether Sanders wins or loses in 2020, his supporters need to consider whether a loose formation like ‘Our Revolution’ is enough. Perhaps like the Socialists of Debs’ time, they may decide that a more formal political structure (if not necessarily an independent political party) may be necessary to carry forward Sanders’ ideas.

What they must avoid at all costs is a repeat of what happened to the Socialist Party in the years following the election of 1920.

One-Eyed Man Who Kamala Harris Locked Up 25 Years Ago Quietly Removes Tulsi Gabbard Mask

The Onion - Tue, 2019-12-03 18:41

KAPOLEI, HI—Wiping the sweat from his brow and contemplating his long road to vengeance, one-eyed man Calvin Simmons, who was locked up by Kamala Harris 25 years ago, quietly removed his Tulsi Gabbard mask Tuesday after learning that the California senator had dropped out of the presidential race. “The day she locked…

Categories: The Onion

British Royal Family Condemns Media’s Ugly Attacks On Their Traditional Practice Of Sexual Abuse

The Onion - Tue, 2019-12-03 16:06

LONDON—Defending the allegations of sexual assault against Prince Andrew as integral to their rich and storied culture, the British royal family issued a statement Tuesday condemning the media’s ugly attacks on their traditional practice of sexual abuse. “This is one of our most dearly held traditional practices,…

Categories: The Onion

Michael Bloomberg Treats Self To Second, Flashier Presidential Campaign

The Onion - Tue, 2019-12-03 14:27

NEW YORK—Explaining that he felt he had earned a little indulgence, Democratic candidate Michael Bloomberg confirmed Tuesday that he had decided to treat himself to a second, flashier presidential campaign. “Having one presidential campaign is nice and all, but I had some extra money lying around and decided to…

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Antonio Brown Proves He’s Changed Man By Breaking Into Robert Kraft’s House In Middle Of Night To Apologize

The Onion - Tue, 2019-12-03 14:03

CHESTNUT HILL, MA—Hoping to secure a second chance with the Patriots by taking accountability for his actions, wide receiver Antonio Brown attempted to prove he was a changed man Monday by breaking into Robert Kraft’s house in the middle of the night to apologize. “Look, I know I screwed up, and I just wanted to do…

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U.N. Chief Says Planet Faces Point Of No Return As Climate Summit Begins

The Onion - Tue, 2019-12-03 13:30

While stressing that his message before the global COP25 climate conference was one of hope rather than despair, U.N. Secretary-General António Guterres told reporters that the world’s government must make immediate changes or face a point of no return. What do you think?

Categories: The Onion

Man’s Life Spent Occasionally Eating Barbecue In Between Doing Things He Hates

The Onion - Tue, 2019-12-03 12:40

CROTHERSVILLE, IN—Saying he sleepwalks through life until the next opportunity arises to savor tangy, slow-cooked meats, sources confirmed Tuesday local man Evan Demers spends his days occasionally eating barbecue in between doing things he hates. “He works really long hours at a job he despises, constantly complains…

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Washboard Player In Jug Band Tired Of Spoons Guy Getting All The Chicks

The Onion - Tue, 2019-12-03 11:26

MEMPHIS, TN—Revealing elevated tensions in the group, washboard player Jimmy Phelps confirmed Tuesday that he was tired of his jug band’s spoons guy getting all the chicks. “I do a lot of leg work setting the tone for the whole show, yet the ladies are all over that jackass,” said Phelps, watching with envy as female…

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Remember ‘Command And Conquer’? No? Okay Then

The Onion - Tue, 2019-12-03 10:00

Hey, gamers, get ready for a nostalgia kick! Remember Command and Conquer? No? You don’t? Oh, well, huh...We had this whole thing planned about the game, but if this isn’t ringing a bell, you can just forget about it.

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‘Team Umizoomi Actually Kind Of Interesting,’ Reports Stay-At-Home Dad On Verge Of Full Psychotic Breakdown

The Onion - Tue, 2019-12-03 09:00

SOUDERTON, PA—Lauding the children’s series’ overall quality and specifically noting its commitment to comprehensive world-building, local stay-at-home dad Judd Teudel, who remarked Tuesday that he personally found Team Umizoomi “actually kind of interesting,” was reportedly on the verge of a complete psychotic…

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Iranian Regime Attacks Activists Trying To Come Up With Protester Body Count For Being Complete Dorks Obsessed With Numbers

The Onion - Mon, 2019-12-02 18:03

TEHRAN, IRAN—Slamming critics in the wake of the government’s violent crackdown on mass demonstrations, President Hassan Rouhani attacked activists trying to come up with a protester body count Monday for being complete dorks obsessed with numbers. “Not only are these allegations baseless but anyone trying to compile…

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